This Is Why You’re Giving Away Your Power…

This Is Why You’re Giving Away Your Power…

I wish you knew how capable you really are. And how the things you find attractive in others are the very qualities that you embody within yourself.

It’s interesting to reflect back on all of my past relationships and notice a common theme—The qualities I found desirable in my partner’s were actually qualities I wished to express myself. I’ll explain more.

Since a young teenager, I was always attracted to boys who were extroverted, charming, creative, smart, risk-takers, funny, popular and independent. I, on the other hand, had always been a bit more introverted, shy, had undercover social anxiety, a bit more structured, controlled and had a small circle of close friends. Now, it’s not to say I don’t also have a good sense of humor or a wild side, I definitely do! But that part of me was only exposed with people I felt safe with or with some type of substance, especially alcohol.

It wasn’t until recent years that I started to connect all the pieces together. With my faith in spirituality growing and my knowledge on human behavior expanding, I began to recognize more and more that:

we are and have always been whole…

we give our power away by thinking we’re broken or incapable and need someone else to complete us…

other’s are actually mirrors to our internal state of being and our innate desires…

the traits that we admire and desire in other’s are traits that we ourselves already embody. We wouldn’t be able to recognize them in other’s if we didn’t already know what it felt like within ourselves…

Does this resonate at all?

I loved being around my partners because they activated something within me that was there all along. The only issue was that without the proper awareness, not only did I put them on a pedestal, but I also became highly dependent on them to make me feel that certain way…Hence why co-dependency is so invasive in our reality.

A pivotal shift happened in my life after my last (toxic) relationship. I decided to embody ALL of me. I didn’t want to depend any longer on other’s to activate certain aspects of myself, I wanted to ignite her on my own. This activation looked liked: Buying the camera of my dreams and teaching myself how to edit my own videos; Taking road trips around California and shooting fun music videos with my friends; Traveling to Vietnam on my own to prove to myself that I could stand (and thrive) on my own two feet; Staying relationship free for 2 years; Moving out of my mom’s house and into my very own apartment; Leaving my job as a Marriage and Family Therapist and working for myself as a Coach; Connecting with my online community and meeting new people…Oh, and finally committing to a man that actually treats me with respect and supports my newfound independence.

If I were to meet this version of myself 5 years ago, I would have WISHED to have as much courage and OOMPH for life as she did. And the coolest part about all of this, is that she was within me all along.

It makes me so sad when I see people (especially women) idealize their partners to the point where it becomes degrading to themselves. This lack of self-recognition places too much dependence and power in the others’ hand’s, which never leads to a healthy dynamic.

My wish is that you recognize that you are already whole & that what you desire in other’s already exists in you, you just need to start stepping into that version of yourself.

When others mirror to you something enticing, choose to see it as an opportunity to explore an area within yourself that’s craving activation.

The power was and will always be within you.

Here are some questions to begin activating your Empowered Self:

» What are traits that you admire in your current partner (or ex partners), in your role models or even complete strangers? Ex: They’re good with money; They’re independent; They’re structured; They’re free spirits; They’re creative; They’re kind; They’re educated; They’re confident…

» Note within yourself areas in which you want to express more of those qualities…Ex: I’m overly controlling and would like to be a little more relaxed and free; I have low self-esteem and would like to cultivate more self-love; I’m shy and would like to spark more conversations with people I meet…

» What is something small you can do today (or this weekend) to begin embodying those traits? Ex: Take a class on how I can make more money; Go on a hike alone; Learn how to play the guitar; Do work I’m actually passionate about; Share more on my online community; Be more vulnerable with the people closest to me…

The possibilities are endless.

w/ love,

Jessica

Relationship Recovery Coaching

Ready to end your toxic dating cycles and begin living a life you love? Book a FREE 30 minute Clarity Call with me below to learn more.

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